Sunday, June 18, 2017

Doctors, Hospital,and Surgeries

Since my last post I've had the cataract removed from my right eye. Great results! Can see better and is healing well. The left eye was done in March and I'm still having pain, blurry vision, and watery eyes. Lupus is to blame since it causes dry eye. Doctor put a plug in the corner of my eye to hold in drops in hopes of moisture being retained. Wouldn't do it again. Driving me nuts.

Saw the surgeon last week for my continuous back problems. Most just say I have spinal stenosis and degenerative disc disease and they can do nothing. This time test results showed L4-5 slipped off and now they are bone on bone. TLIF surgery will be done on July 26. Will be in the hospital for at least three days barring any lupus flares. Then moved to rehab for two weeks. May or may not remove pain, but if I don't do this it will continue to worsen. Pain is off the chart right now. Am having to sleep with a pillow propping up my back.

I'm so tired. Tired of suffering, wondering why I'm still here, why I'm having to deal with all of this alone. I find myself getting homesick more often, just wanting to go home, crawl into my old bed in the house where I was raised and pull the covers over my head. Other times I just want to walk on Panama City Beach at night, listen to the waves and feel the power of God wash all the pain and suffering away! At this point I can only hope to go home again alive. I will go home when this body is dead.

So now I have a month to mentally prepare for major surgery, get Bitty, Buddy and Tom secure for their care, and find a way to buy new gowns. The ones I have were given to me in 2006. They are full of holes from years of wear and not good enough for recovery.

I just wish I had my family.