Saturday, July 15, 2017

Pain

One word sums up flares - pain! From being in the heat for two days, stress, lack of sleep, yo-yoing temperatures with rain mixed in have caused every joint to hurt, my body to swell, and my back to hurt even more. I feel like I'm in a pressure cooker!

I go in Thursday for presurgery exam and spine class. My back surgery is the 26th. I look at it with dread and hope. Dread for the long road of healing, rehab and being away from my kitties. Hope of being able to walk the neighborhood again and do so without fear of not being able to get back home. Hope of less pain.

For now I take one day at a time and continue to hope. If you suffer from lupus and have family support, please be thankful. I've been doing this alone for over twenty years. If I need something, I have to pull myself up and get it. Daily activities I took for granted I now struggle with all of the time. Sometimes dishes sit in the sink for days because the pain is so bad I just can't stand up and wash them. How I wish I had a dishwasher! I finally washed clothes last night. They had begun to spilled out of the basket. Sitting outside in the shade of my porch has become very difficult because the heat literally makes me sick. Sunlight does also. Many days I wish I had a family. Wishing doesn't make it come true. So when I awaken every morning, it takes a while before I can move well enough to get up. Then my day is surrounded with trying to accomplish something.

I may not look sick to you, but let me tell you the pain is overwhelming. I spent the last two days having fever of 103 degrees. Too much heat exposure and stress from the days before. I'm wiped out.

You don't know what someone is dealing with on a day to day basis. Don't judge. Life is hard enough for those night fighting disease. Instead do something to help. Sometimes I just need to know someone cares and will listen.

Heat will be soaring into the mid nineties on Thursday. Feels more like Alabama weather than Kentucky. Can't avoid it due to pre-op appointment. I'm already stressed just thinking about it.

I realize this is just a shirt, but the message on it fits the lupus fight. Flares are no fun and we can't always control our environment.


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